I am alive and well...
thanking God for each breath that I take.
Trusting in him has made breathing easier...
taking one day at a time--
the future is mine through christ.

Right now i want to cry--
I want to be alone to comfort myself...
I want to pause and think about life and what it is that im missing.
Is the path that I am on the one I am supposed to be taken?
Maybe I should reevaluate the choices im making
Maybe God has a different plan for me so instead of moving i should be waiting--
patiently--
waiting to hear his voice
only he can calm me
& its time to let him do his job...

UP

Oh how you make me feel so warm inside
A summer’s day with autumn’s breeze wrestling with me like trees and leaves
The birds and bee’s have gave me a new tune
The hums and buzzes and chirps have helped revive me
Renew me & bring life to me
Nature never questions me—just relaxes me.
Oh it knows me so well- not a story I tell—its true you see.
You are you and I am me.
Beneath the trees I may hide
And all of the emotions that I feel inside are safe
Such a serene place.
Its warmth relaxes me. Breeze cools me…
I want to be where you are.
Invisible but always there—
Hot but you’re not getting burned…
Growing, but never trampled on—
Reproductive; but only when its time.
Humble and honest.
I want to be natural
Smoother than peanut butter on a spoon-
Cooler than lemonade on the hottest day ever
More DIVA red then the famous Kool Aid your granny makes
Slicker than a snake & more affectionate than a mother with her cubs.
I want to get out of the nest and fly
Do things my way—open my eyes and try.
The wind is ready for me. Waiting for me to just lift my arms-
Then the breeze will carry me
And I will drift away
Like the balloon you let go of and it floated upward and rose into the clouds.
Hopefully I will find that balloon and throw my own party and I will invite everyone in heaven- if they have spare time.
Come with me… I will give you a lift.

Sometimes you have to be ok with riding-
you see- if you let someone into your life, both of you cant drive...

you either have to take turns or submit.
My advice is to make sure the person you've paired up with can drive...
it will help make the ride a lot smoother.

dont worry about the car- focus on whats under the hood.
remember- even a hooptie can take you from point a to point b.

in the mean while, pull the visor down- peep at your self in the mirror and say "DANG!! Im gorgeous.!!"

It will make you smile.
& you will begin to laugh on the inside...

A note to teens

The body relaxes as it sees fit—
After doing many tricks-
It’s quite divine
Such a powerful tool- no rules to break or follow
But – it can break you
Have to do what’s true to u, feels good to u—so u won’t loose u (yourself) in the mix…
Don’t get it twisted, its great- but not greater than the wait…
U wait and then appreciate the sacrifice
Don’t rush through life
Makes u think twice about it after its done
Refuse the tongue—
let your desires play out in your head-
Not the bed.
Relax & just chill
Enjoy the moment while keeping still…motionless, not heartless-
Know yourself & set standards
Don’t drop those standards
Drop those who don’t uphold them
Hold your head up high
And think with your mind
-not your body...

...[ =) ]....

It’s not even about sex- or life itself. Everybody has one—does one or somebody… idk why people choose to lay down before they are wedding bound but -- hey.



It’s about love and living

It’s about seeing the inside motives proved by the body’s actions on the outside

Looking in its a mirror that can see your reflection

An infection that makes you have the urge the desire to try harder to obtain more..

Love grows… heart beats… pulse increases like boom boom

Time zooms by you when he’s away but when I’m with him time stays in place

It waits for me.

It waits for us to make our move

As we have done and continue to do time and time again

I’m going to win; we are going to win this love game… this time.

Tell me what’s on your mind…

Do u mind if I make you mine forever…

We can be each other’s forever- stay together until time finally stops

Until the heart stops beating or until u stop feeding off my love—

It’s enough to feed you- please you, comfort you & keep you…

I will let you lean on me anytime...

I dare to look into your eyes and watch your eyes tell me that you love me- without waiting for
your mouth to move.

You understand me—totally.

Without any ifs, ands or buts-

But sometimes you disagree and at first it was hard for me but now I respect our disagreements…

That’s why we make such a great team

And as funny as it may seem I feel that you are my first love

I can’t think of another way to describe how I feel for you...

Whether we are out in public, home chilling or just us too-

Alone- thinking each other’s thoughts and completing each other’s sentences.

You complete me and you fix my grammar with no hammer—you’re tough as nails… solid as a rock

You’ve built our relationship on an awesome foundation and I am glad that you are the man that you are…

My shining star mid day-

My feelings never sway

Even to this day I feel like our love is new-

Ever renewing itself-

Very fresh.

And even when you lay on my chest and I kiss your forehead—you still manage to comfort me when im supposed to be tending to you.

It’s sweet.

Like a treat that you never get tired of eating.

I will never get tired of our love.

read into it...

I want to be able to open myself up
Write a new page of life
Figure out which chapter I’m on in life…
better understand my story
So complicated-

I’ve given up on soo many things
Taken on sooo many things
Never taken up my own feelings about anything
Never understood why I felt certain ways- - if I even allowed myself to feel at all

I’ve trapped my mind time and time again-
retained it for just one type of thinking
Shut sooo many people out of my life without even thinking
And kept sooo many people in my life…
People who didn’t even want to be there.

They took sooo much from me
I let them do it
I allowed myself to be emotionally drained…
rained on by other peoples thoughts and opinions about me.
Socially—I drowned

I was drenched by miscommunications
Judged by people due to false implications

You never knew me… or my life
You don’t know the strife, the pain, the troubles & torments.

For a while I even gave up on love
I was tired of Love making itself look good
Tired of Love impregnating me with true feelings
Then giving me still births—false relationships—miscarriages &fake feelings.

I’ve been trying for a while to figure myself out
Find out what I’m all about…
It takes longer than people think and I’m sooo tired of thinking about what I need to do
Yea, its true… I’m not perfect.

I guess that’s the difference between me and you.
You true to maintain your reputation and try to uphold your perfect image-
All the while I never try to.
I’m still figuring out how to be me.
Free in my own story.
Whatever that may be.


...One day I will figure it out.

Nothing serious but its coming...

He opened my eyes to a part of me I never knew I had
A new me that I have found takes a huge liking to him.

He takes me places that I’ve never seen, even in my own town
I am sooo happy that I’m in his life… what a Joy we’ve found; it’s so sincere.. & he allows me to be me.

So free I feel as he wraps his arms around me and tells me how he feels--intertwined our minds think the same thing

Our thoughts always come to life-our actions match our thinking…
And the more and more I think about it-We are like a match made in Heaven.

The songs we listen to take us to India as we try to create our own legend.
They make up the soundtrack of our relationship –A true Testimony that helped me get lifted & stand out amongst other things—It’s a guaranteed love song.

Oh the songs he sings to me makes my knees weak
But my mind is strong and I know this love is right.

UGH

My tears are drowning my face
I’m in a place where I don’t want to be
Please come rescue me and hold me
Let me be someone who I am not just for one minute
Just so I can get away- not to stay; just to rest
I want the best
Not used to accepting anything less
And that’s definitely not what’s expected of me…
I am held to such a high standard that sometimes I don’t even know what ‘standard’ is
In a world where I don’t even know what right is….
I need you
Constantly
just as the sun keeps the earth alive
I thirst to survive
I have to do more than thrive and cry
And wait—Though no one comes to dry my face—
Im in a place where no one understands…
No one knows what each tear holds
No one is bold enough to even ask what’s wrong… so afraid that they will have to care-
For me.
But you don’t
I don’t need you to pretend you care.
Its worse than having no body there to witness your greatest success in life
Talk about a knife thrust into your back- and pulled back out
I feel I have been shut out
In the social context
I have never until now felt my best wasn’t enough and its tough dealing with the feelings that prove those words true each day.
I want to go to sleep and wake up a new me.
I need a tissue.

written a while back

When you can’t be there
No words to say
Can’t empathize; no feelings to share
Can’t compare situations
Trials and tribulations
Trying to figure out who’s real and who’s faking
Love
More than just a word
Internalized meanings
For the time being
I’m trying to relax
Instead of max out on love
It’s not easy to be hugged and cared for from a distance
It’s not easy to be listened to…
Specially without the title of “being your boo”
Or just knowing u have one…
People stay away from trying to understand the physical,emotional and mental demands of distant relationships
I want to quit sooo bad but my heart won’t let me
My emotions have the best of me—He means a lot,
But I’m not there a lot…
Heart’s breaking
Chances taken
But I want to win the game.