what is it?

Love isn't promised or bought.
it is gained.
earned.
natural or sometimes learned.
its all a game-
u make rules.
set em up in a way so u will never lose-yourself

Bricks::

In each moment that we spend trying to keep eachother close
We actually never accomplish the task
I will never ask again or give in to the supposed true essence of love.
What is it? And who is it for.
Certainly not me.
Free but am i.
Not alone. Not lonely.
But in shock
Disbelief
Packing all of the pictures that say more words than you ever will
Reminding me of how I used to feel and now
So very torn and empty… almost sickly yet empowered because I now know the truth.
And I feel the truth is up to my interpretation because everyone’s truth is not the same
Everyones pain is not a game
And yet I continue to loose at something I thought I was done playing with
Pushing them away without even knowing it…
What can we say
What can we feel
Ejected from role play
Stuck on repeat..
A break that never had a chance to be a pause….
Why was I in love.
How can I get out.
Why did i hold you so tight thinking there would never be an escape.
i guess i was too late i fell before i knew it
too young to stop myself from what i thought was the success of it
too confident that we would work
dumb for thinking i would go unhurt.

& u thought i didn’t notice when you stopped saying it
I never really understood why—
Never really tried though
Never really was my prerogative
Especially if u weren’t going to try; though i missed it
And how used to say it
Sneak up from behind me, lay ur hands on me and whisper it
Gently in my ears like you had some form of game
Looking back at it it was lame
But cute
And the same way u used to look at me and tell me i would look at u and tell u the same thing with my eyes...
Hypnotized by what you had me feeling inside
No disguise for emotion
Emotional rollercoaster—free ride
I tried to hide the fact that i was sad
But in the inside i can now admit that im glad things happened as they did
I was such a kid—at heart
Making big kid decisions
Still not fully grown
Still growing up—
But i remember when u stopped showing up
Stopped calling and stepping up to the plate
Never thought to mediate the situation
I guess it was a risk u weren’t fond of taken
But its cool
Never would have found love if u hadn’t moved out of my way
Yep- i can say it now—looking back at how far I’ve come...
That’s the only way i know im getting somewhere.
Thanks for never meaning it when u said u loved me, bc if u woulda meant it—i woulda believed it
& I woulda never been as happy as I am now when I hear it from him... skip YOU

;)

When you write to live
and live to write
It doesn’t matter what people say
It doesn’t matter what they think
Because they don’t know how it feels to use writing as a therapy-
A way to heal-
A way to get across how you feel-
without getting interrupted-
Misunderstood—no assumptions can be made
No games are played with writing—
And even if they are , its not for you that im writing—
Its all for me
& to enhance my ability
and my confidence as a person of words sometimes left unspoken
but I always have something to say
But know one will judge me based on how I write
Because no one knows how I feel at night as I write these things down.
No one sees the anger in my frown or when im feeling down they cant hear the emotions or see the tears streaming down my face.
No one can take away my special place that I go to to sort out all the things that go through my mind
And truth is most times my brain is scattered—thoughts all over the place and a whole lot of things have been lost or erased because I didn’t capture them in the moment when I felt them
So that’s why I write.
It calms me down.
It never questions me—always understands…
Paper is my best friend

Non-edited & Incomplete

s p l a s h

Just open ur eyes, let me sit on the passengers’ side of your ride

Put the top down on the car, lets not hide

No disguise for the feelings we feel

Love is real

The air is warm, seats’ hot

No one’s got the affection skills like I got

No one leaves an impression on me like you do

No one is quite like u

Understandable

Unmistakable

Tried—(the stuff we’ve been through)

& True--- (your always honest with me—I hope)

Lets drive to the pool

Let me show off my body for you

Let everyone look at me like they want it

And u will be happy too—

Thinking lol yall cant have it and grab me—just so that they see its just u and me

In our own world

Not hating on no girl

Not stunting on no dude

Not cutting the fool or eloping just chilling.

Chilling in the sun as the wind greets us with her breeze

Saying please yall make this last—

Ive never seen perfection—but I do see love

Sun kissing our bodies, you caressing my hips – underwater or limbs touch

And I kiss your lips

You push me away gently—trying not to get my hair wet

And I emerge my self in the water because I wasn’t wet yet—just being cute

And u being handsome

And us doing what we do when we’re together…

I miss u & the water…

That’s when an Aquarius meets an Sagittarius ..::

Shoulda took pics by the pool…

awakened by my own aroma

the sweet smell of love touched my heart

came over me and massaged my back

whispered in my ear as if it were you

the moment lasted a second-- but i will remember it forever

its energy gave me strength

rubbing off on me a new motivation

a new determination

to live

to breathe softer

to see clearer

to dream sweeter dreams

& turn them into my reality.