& u thought i didn’t notice when you stopped saying it
I never really understood why—
Never really tried though
Never really was my prerogative
Especially if u weren’t going to try; though i missed it
And how used to say it
Sneak up from behind me, lay ur hands on me and whisper it
Gently in my ears like you had some form of game
Looking back at it it was lame
But cute
And the same way u used to look at me and tell me i would look at u and tell u the same thing with my eyes...
Hypnotized by what you had me feeling inside
No disguise for emotion
Emotional rollercoaster—free ride
I tried to hide the fact that i was sad
But in the inside i can now admit that im glad things happened as they did
I was such a kid—at heart
Making big kid decisions
Still not fully grown
Still growing up—
But i remember when u stopped showing up
Stopped calling and stepping up to the plate
Never thought to mediate the situation
I guess it was a risk u weren’t fond of taken
But its cool
Never would have found love if u hadn’t moved out of my way
Yep- i can say it now—looking back at how far I’ve come...
That’s the only way i know im getting somewhere.
Thanks for never meaning it when u said u loved me, bc if u woulda meant it—i woulda believed it
& I woulda never been as happy as I am now when I hear it from him... skip YOU

;)

When you write to live
and live to write
It doesn’t matter what people say
It doesn’t matter what they think
Because they don’t know how it feels to use writing as a therapy-
A way to heal-
A way to get across how you feel-
without getting interrupted-
Misunderstood—no assumptions can be made
No games are played with writing—
And even if they are , its not for you that im writing—
Its all for me
& to enhance my ability
and my confidence as a person of words sometimes left unspoken
but I always have something to say
But know one will judge me based on how I write
Because no one knows how I feel at night as I write these things down.
No one sees the anger in my frown or when im feeling down they cant hear the emotions or see the tears streaming down my face.
No one can take away my special place that I go to to sort out all the things that go through my mind
And truth is most times my brain is scattered—thoughts all over the place and a whole lot of things have been lost or erased because I didn’t capture them in the moment when I felt them
So that’s why I write.
It calms me down.
It never questions me—always understands…
Paper is my best friend

Non-edited & Incomplete

s p l a s h

Just open ur eyes, let me sit on the passengers’ side of your ride

Put the top down on the car, lets not hide

No disguise for the feelings we feel

Love is real

The air is warm, seats’ hot

No one’s got the affection skills like I got

No one leaves an impression on me like you do

No one is quite like u

Understandable

Unmistakable

Tried—(the stuff we’ve been through)

& True--- (your always honest with me—I hope)

Lets drive to the pool

Let me show off my body for you

Let everyone look at me like they want it

And u will be happy too—

Thinking lol yall cant have it and grab me—just so that they see its just u and me

In our own world

Not hating on no girl

Not stunting on no dude

Not cutting the fool or eloping just chilling.

Chilling in the sun as the wind greets us with her breeze

Saying please yall make this last—

Ive never seen perfection—but I do see love

Sun kissing our bodies, you caressing my hips – underwater or limbs touch

And I kiss your lips

You push me away gently—trying not to get my hair wet

And I emerge my self in the water because I wasn’t wet yet—just being cute

And u being handsome

And us doing what we do when we’re together…

I miss u & the water…

That’s when an Aquarius meets an Sagittarius ..::

Shoulda took pics by the pool…

awakened by my own aroma

the sweet smell of love touched my heart

came over me and massaged my back

whispered in my ear as if it were you

the moment lasted a second-- but i will remember it forever

its energy gave me strength

rubbing off on me a new motivation

a new determination

to live

to breathe softer

to see clearer

to dream sweeter dreams

& turn them into my reality.

...

I guess its normal to feel however your body leads you to feel
Normal to hurt and cry
Normal to not be understood-
Abnormal to sit and take it and fake it like everything is all good
Soo normal to just put a smile on and not deal with things like you should
Normal for me to feel inadequate- beneath you and know why
Trying for it to be normal for me to question myself why-
Why me and why do I feel the way I feel…
Questioning myself and my God constantly trying to figure out if its real
I don’t understand why things switch when emotions get high
I don’t understand why we cant work through things as humans and mature adults… why
Even as your heart gets heavy and you feel yourself about to cry
Don’t dry your eyes-
We’ve all been taught not to let ppl see you sweat but when you’ve met ppl in your life that you care about so much,
Its too much to have to cry alone—
Especially when they are your shoulder to lean on
And what happens if that shoulder breaks—
Instead of finishing out my feelings and trying to heal I immediately try to fix the shoulder
Umm interesting
I wonder why ppl try to front like everything is sooo easy once you establish friendships, and relationships and create beginnings…. Never anticipating the ends---
Truth is its easy to click as friends… hard to maintain the relationship
But if it were easy it wouldn’t last long because the true meaning would be lost.
If you fake as if everything is right and fight one night your through.
But if you honestly sit and talk it out with your boo that you claim to love it will bring you closer.
Its okay to cry but not ok for you partner not to ask why.
I think that’s ignorant
Everyone wants to be comforted and everyone make mistakes
Its what you do once you’ve made the mistakes—
Don’t make them again.

To be continued.