Nobody expected the little things to leave big impressions on u
Nobody expected things to work out—and they didn’t
Feelings left to remain unclaimed and not provided for, left to explore other things and human beings…
Trying to figure out what has left me in between a rock—and a hard place.
I promised myself this was it, and once again I was wrong…
I guess u cant take people’s word—u gotta pray about things on ur own—for your own good. I shud-
Have done a lot of things differently
Prob wont even remember me
I am so ready to surrender myself to your arms God.
Im so tired of people’s arms not being big enough to hold me… I am sooo tired of ppl’s penis’s doing all the talkn—y cant BOYS just use their mouths and try to hold a conversation?
Sitting here contemplating on my self worth
Trying to understand a woman’s worth
I don’t even know what happened,
But I know what will not happen again—and that’s me just deciding to up and let ANYone in.
I thought you were different, what a great disguise…
U put up this great mask, such a nice costume… u tried to dress your feelings up and sugar coat my heart… whatever. U can keep ur sweetness.
I knew it was too good to be true & YES this is about you.

You grow up with them telling you that you will push them away if you say this or that
Me, I just want to speak my mind, say what I want to say…
You know, how little girls play… wishing of princesses and pink colored ponies, thinking of living in a world where only they can describe what their mind is creating
Here I stand hating on the endless opportunities that little girls have to dream. They still get to think about everything and say all the things that come to their minds without anything being taking seriously, or being told too farfetched or too advanced…
No one stops a little girl from dreaming…
I want to dream- but I’m not a little girl anymore- but I feel that you think I am, and if that is the case why do you even entertain me, keep me around to laugh with, talk with, chill with…
I want to think about my future in a way that helps me to appreciate my present and see where the dots will connect…
What’s wrong with trying to see the picture before the lines are drawn? After all, people have to have a vision in order to act on one.
If I didn’t think there would be an us, could be an us, maybe even a legal us, I would have NEVER put forth the trust in you- never would have gave you the time of day or a chance to even touch my hand. Time is precious- and I don’t want to waste it on you or with you if there is no future that we are trying to get to…
To be continued

i was thinking of SEMAj::..

You never know what God has in store for your life
You never know when the things you want will come to you-
Or when the things you think you need will leave you.

I thought that after all I’ve been through that God had kind of forgotten about some of the things that I thought I needed…
But it was him that I needed.
Not a person, not a certain thing or an emotion fulfilled. Just him, simply G.O.D
And when I began to focus on him he began to reveal the real me
And I began to see some things that I had never seen before.
I began to explore different areas, changed some views, and upgraded some mindsets here and there.

All the while I was doing these things I had always thought of you, remembered you in my thoughts, behind the scene you remained in my heart…
Since the day we met a connection (to me) was made
I’ve had a crave to know more of this “you” a desire to know the ends and outs of what you’re about and even still I remained low key

Tried to make it seem that you aren’t a priority but u are… (kind of)

It’s like once you feel you’ve obtained something real you don’t want that feeling to go…
Lord knows there have been times when I felt I’d never hug again, kiss again… love again
And just to know that you are my friend is enough for me to maintain…

And even if you were to leave me alone, place me out of your life…
You’d still dwell in my heart- as u did when I met you,

Yea I thought there was something real from the start.

Wow. Blushing...
T. S. Thorpe ©

relax

I laid my eyes on you and immediately my body wanted to do the same with you but I held back,
Contained myself and conducted myself in a way that wouldn’t make you say
Oh, she’s fast…
Because im not…
Im human, I get hot and what not, but yo-
Its cool.
It means im alive and well.
Its unnatural to not have feelings…
natural to have needs and wants to be pleased
And I want to please you…
Something I will do
In due time

Im not going to rush into things-
In fact im content with swinging on swings and doing kiddie things just because I care
I care soooo much that im cautious and move your hands up when they are near there…
I have to show you im worth it- not easy
Because if I were easy it would be worthless to get to know me… pointless perhaps…

I have to see what type of man you are
What type of man you want to be
And how would ur life be if it includes me-
Freedom to express emotions, free to love, free to care…
And then as time goes by when my eyes look there and your hands are near there it will mean something
And u will let my eyes wander, and you think about letting your hands roam- you wont touch me… u will just breathe…
And I would come to you, near you, close to u… lay my head on your shoulder and put my hand on your chest…
Then you will know I care.

feelings...

And when I saw you and how you’d grown over the years
It made me want you even more
I had always had an eye for you,
Tried to keep my eyes off of you
But my heart belonged to you
And my body knew
That someday, one day, I would be able to show you how I feel…
How I really feel
Aside from what you assumed, what you doubt, and what you don’t expect
But what I feel for you is not about sex, not about appearance, or what it looks like to be with you on the outside…
Its about the things that exist when all else fails… you know, issues from the heart
And the deeper we grow I know that what im feeling is real,
So natural that when im looking at you face to face- we can relate
It cant be fake… not this time.

The library

Entering the building its thousands to choose from
Each one different
Some are the same
Some have similar names and some are copies…
Some came in hard, others soft…
Some sooo used and abused you can’t tell how it came in.
You assume you know just by appearance everything it processes inside
Or sometimes you measured it up from the back
Sometimes you just eyed it for size, seeing which one looked like it wud be something you can handle in the time you allotted for it.
Each day you would look, until finally you found one… and I was the supposed lucky one.
You picked me from the others…
I was naturally hard, sort of used, clearly abused…
but u wanted to give me a chance
Aside from the heart ache and pain you picked me up,
Laid me down in a special room for just you and me…
You opened me up,
You read into my every word…
Ur fingers traced my spine… and u fingered all the lines that my words made…
U flipped all my pages, sometimes holding spots u wanted to get a better feel for, or just simply wanted to come back too.
You would finish for the day, and the next day come back to me…
And this time you brought ur crew so they could do the same thing u were doing to me and I was doing to u.
U gave me passion while I gave you knowledge…
You took me places ive never been…
I let ur imagination build upon all I had to offer u…And when u finished with me it was ok, u passed me on to someone else,
Bc u knew they too needed a good book to read...

thanks for checking me out..::

© T. S. Thorpe

to hold u again

Oh wat i wud give to give u a kiss
or just to say hello
look you in your eyes and tell you how i feel u know
ive held so much in, time and time again
trying to figure out where i stand in your eyes
i never thought it would come to this or that I would actually miss you.
in my mind i try to figure out where i went wrong
how things still fell apart even though i thought our love was strong
i guess i was wrong
i thought that maybe you werent feeling me but i forgot to give u the ok
never wanted you to stay
if u didnt love me, or need me...ive always wanted you to be happy but i guess you never believed me
truth is i wished you would have fell in love with someone else, so it would be easy for me to get over u
but because you leave things so open ended its hard to condense these feelings i feel for u
always felt for u
ur like or were like a dream come true
and oh what i would give to hold u again
wrap u in my arms, keep u from all harm
and them maybe
u never wuda died
and a tear would never had fell from my eyes