without you i've learned to trust myself
when all else fails because there is nothing left
I gave to u my all my everything
as bad as it seems
advantage... taken of
me-
u think i used you- you think its true too...
but u werent.
u werent tru to me
never provided me with what i needed..
which was for u to accept me-
and all the things i had to offer... all the things i wanted to share
as if you didnt care
u shuda at least pretended to care
to be there..
for me-
i thought u cared for me in ways soooo unxplainable...
or was it unexplainable because there wasnt any thing to explain
you obtained all of me...
you heard me but never listened
you kissed me...but never passion
the thoughts of us having fun together laughin... enjoying each others company..
dead.
you were laughing at me, and how deep i had falling for
u
i allowed you to replace me
i became what u wanted me to be, needed me to be...
all the while u were maintaining u, meanwhile erasing me...
and yes...
it was u
u took the rain and made it pour, instead of chasing the cloudy days away...
i mean what else do i say?
u used me to complete the man that u are today
without me u wud never be who u are today
i invested n u... every single day-
that we were together...
but then again, maybe we werent...
i just wanted us to be...
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
[U]
Never before have I felt like this
A constant desire for a passionate kiss
One that I miss
So much
Ive never had one like this before
I haven’t even had this one yet
I know I wont regret
The feeling that I get
An emotional earthquake inside of me
He will be the one that breaks the foundation
Of love
bringing me to my knees
a
constant plead... dont leave me
dont leave me alone to do this on my own
i cant care if you dont
i cant love if you wont...
Especially as I begin to trust-
Him
And move away from lust
And things… other girls want from him,
need from him,
desire & demand from him
But-
I...
Get whats more important.
I get the time of day
Truth
Understanding
Passion…
& it doesn’t stop there bc its true emotions and feelings that we share
Holding us together stronger than glue
a craving for him
a natural need
an honest necessity in life
especially in this life im beginning to live
How it got this far I have no clue
help me LORD What shoud I do
Somebody help me…
Never before have I felt like this
A constant desire for a passionate kiss
One that I miss
So much
Ive never had one like this before
I haven’t even had this one yet
I know I wont regret
The feeling that I get
An emotional earthquake inside of me
He will be the one that breaks the foundation
Of love
bringing me to my knees
a
constant plead... dont leave me
dont leave me alone to do this on my own
i cant care if you dont
i cant love if you wont...
Especially as I begin to trust-
Him
And move away from lust
And things… other girls want from him,
need from him,
desire & demand from him
But-
I...
Get whats more important.
I get the time of day
Truth
Understanding
Passion…
& it doesn’t stop there bc its true emotions and feelings that we share
Holding us together stronger than glue
a craving for him
a natural need
an honest necessity in life
especially in this life im beginning to live
How it got this far I have no clue
help me LORD What shoud I do
Somebody help me…
I think Im falling…
& I wonder will he catch me.
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
A constant desire for a passionate kiss
One that I miss
So much
Ive never had one like this before
I haven’t even had this one yet
I know I wont regret
The feeling that I get
An emotional earthquake inside of me
He will be the one that breaks the foundation
Of love
bringing me to my knees
a
constant plead... dont leave me
dont leave me alone to do this on my own
i cant care if you dont
i cant love if you wont...
Especially as I begin to trust-
Him
And move away from lust
And things… other girls want from him,
need from him,
desire & demand from him
But-
I...
Get whats more important.
I get the time of day
Truth
Understanding
Passion…
& it doesn’t stop there bc its true emotions and feelings that we share
Holding us together stronger than glue
a craving for him
a natural need
an honest necessity in life
especially in this life im beginning to live
How it got this far I have no clue
help me LORD What shoud I do
Somebody help me…
Never before have I felt like this
A constant desire for a passionate kiss
One that I miss
So much
Ive never had one like this before
I haven’t even had this one yet
I know I wont regret
The feeling that I get
An emotional earthquake inside of me
He will be the one that breaks the foundation
Of love
bringing me to my knees
a
constant plead... dont leave me
dont leave me alone to do this on my own
i cant care if you dont
i cant love if you wont...
Especially as I begin to trust-
Him
And move away from lust
And things… other girls want from him,
need from him,
desire & demand from him
But-
I...
Get whats more important.
I get the time of day
Truth
Understanding
Passion…
& it doesn’t stop there bc its true emotions and feelings that we share
Holding us together stronger than glue
a craving for him
a natural need
an honest necessity in life
especially in this life im beginning to live
How it got this far I have no clue
help me LORD What shoud I do
Somebody help me…
I think Im falling…
& I wonder will he catch me.
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
...love?
What happened to love
& innocent flowers
Replaced with roses and demanded power
Reflections of yourself begin to dissolve
As u resolve to
Be
What he
Needs
Wants
And then what do you do
You cant allow [that] to shake you
You are more than just “some woman who needs a man”
Let a man need you
Want you…
& its true, it seems a little painful sometimes
To see others in a respectful relationship that you feel you deserve
Don’t worry
GOD will give you what you need & most times what u desire
Whether it be that geeky guy, or the one who is “fly-er”
Than most
One you can brag about and say “This is My Man”...
but don’t give a man a title if its one he doesn’t deserve
Ooh that gets on my nerves to see women
Settle.
Settle on things that they know that hurt them
& why. why cry when that dude is right infront of you and wont even look you in your eye.
Or say a simple hello, or even a lame hi
When he sees you.
What happened to love?
You know the sweet little innocent puppy love,
You know the one we all believed in until people thought love believed in sex…instead of making love [u shud wait anyway]
And then people started believing in sex
And communication solely through text
It’s a mess
And I will wait
Be comfortable with myself until God himself blesses me with love
…then I know it won’t go anywhere and won’t have to ask questions like:
Where did love go, you know, a love that’s true…
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
& innocent flowers
Replaced with roses and demanded power
Reflections of yourself begin to dissolve
As u resolve to
Be
What he
Needs
Wants
And then what do you do
You cant allow [that] to shake you
You are more than just “some woman who needs a man”
Let a man need you
Want you…
& its true, it seems a little painful sometimes
To see others in a respectful relationship that you feel you deserve
Don’t worry
GOD will give you what you need & most times what u desire
Whether it be that geeky guy, or the one who is “fly-er”
Than most
One you can brag about and say “This is My Man”...
but don’t give a man a title if its one he doesn’t deserve
Ooh that gets on my nerves to see women
Settle.
Settle on things that they know that hurt them
& why. why cry when that dude is right infront of you and wont even look you in your eye.
Or say a simple hello, or even a lame hi
When he sees you.
What happened to love?
You know the sweet little innocent puppy love,
You know the one we all believed in until people thought love believed in sex…instead of making love [u shud wait anyway]
And then people started believing in sex
And communication solely through text
It’s a mess
And I will wait
Be comfortable with myself until God himself blesses me with love
…then I know it won’t go anywhere and won’t have to ask questions like:
Where did love go, you know, a love that’s true…
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
dOVE..::
I was just wondering…
would u return the favor
Of the flavor of love
I savored upon meeting you
Never had my heart to beat so fast
yet so relaxed
when I’m with you
The dark nights are made clearer
the nightmares don’t come near
I
come closer to u so I can hear ya
Talking to me
Whispering in my ear
I
think I have found what my outer self wants…
…What my inner self needs
U
Are the definition of what I want in a man
Not to say you are that man
that I want
Because in this game called life is a struggle to put down all the strife in your life
Things that hurt u like bloodshed with a knife
Nothing but a wishful cry
A thoughtful glance your way
Just to see if you would swing my way
Have me bouncing up and down on the inside
Inside out I get turned by u- u turn me on… I get turned on by u,
Not just sexually
&
As you turn heads and break necks
I’m just wondering if im next
In line
In due time
Will tell
All the answers to the secrets only you know
And likewise and vice versa I’ve delivered and released things that ah,
Only you know
I guess blessings do come in two fold
You hold me and you listen
You listen and you think
You think and u analyze
Summarize
Familiarize
Yourself with me
Comfort me
And never releasing me
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
would u return the favor
Of the flavor of love
I savored upon meeting you
Never had my heart to beat so fast
yet so relaxed
when I’m with you
The dark nights are made clearer
the nightmares don’t come near
I
come closer to u so I can hear ya
Talking to me
Whispering in my ear
I
think I have found what my outer self wants…
…What my inner self needs
U
Are the definition of what I want in a man
Not to say you are that man
that I want
Because in this game called life is a struggle to put down all the strife in your life
Things that hurt u like bloodshed with a knife
Nothing but a wishful cry
A thoughtful glance your way
Just to see if you would swing my way
Have me bouncing up and down on the inside
Inside out I get turned by u- u turn me on… I get turned on by u,
Not just sexually
&
As you turn heads and break necks
I’m just wondering if im next
In line
In due time
Will tell
All the answers to the secrets only you know
And likewise and vice versa I’ve delivered and released things that ah,
Only you know
I guess blessings do come in two fold
You hold me and you listen
You listen and you think
You think and u analyze
Summarize
Familiarize
Yourself with me
Comfort me
And never releasing me
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
[?]
hi
hello
how are u
fine i guess
leave me
alone
then i can
be
the best
life's
a test
no success
without stress
no happiness
without
knowing what distress -
is
let me live
let me move on
with out
u
i loved u boo
love is gone
our title is changed
romance
wasnt the same
feelings were lame
it was time to change...
calls for a new name
a new me
a better fit me
for someone else
for me
to
be free
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
hello
how are u
fine i guess
leave me
alone
then i can
be
the best
life's
a test
no success
without stress
no happiness
without
knowing what distress -
is
let me live
let me move on
with out
u
i loved u boo
love is gone
our title is changed
romance
wasnt the same
feelings were lame
it was time to change...
calls for a new name
a new me
a better fit me
for someone else
for me
to
be free
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
sigh
I was reading a book
A book about a story
A story about a woman who didn’t deem herself much as one
Who would rather be by herself than accompanied by one
A person like her
She really wasn’t open minded
And I actually find it
Weird that I even read that
And shared this
But it was an experience that made me miss
The old me.
See the new me closely identifies with this girl
This girl from the story
The story of my life
Written, documented, text.
Hard-facts
No going back
The attention is gained
But the fact still remains that I lost her
And never knew how it would affect me until I saw what it cost her.
Throughout the whole story she was running away
Running away from pain.
Abuse. even love & affection
Running away from life…
Running away from herself& as she ran she went places that I go
Or have went
Settled down on a park bench-
Wrong move…
It took my mind there
When it wasn’t anyone there
But… us…
Us and a car that was developing rust-
Over the back wheel
The car had been in an accident
An accident indeed
As it was an accident to be parked there now
Under the covering of trees…
Alone
Evil crept out and hung on me like a warm blanket…
Everyone likes to be held…
I cried though
And as she began to go through things, same things that I had…
I cried more-
Quickly trying to turn the pages in the story, the story in the book…
The story of my life-
Can’t wait…
For a brand new chapter…
So many chapters its sooo hard to maintain, organize, put chapters to names-
I’m ashamed…
Of my past and how my past dictates my future…
Afraid to admit that I am running
Still running
From u.
From me..
From u –
the person who still has that hold on me, the warm blanket of evil…
Kept me quiet, muffled my cries and moans and groans
Made me comfortable in my weakness… covered all emotions
What a loser.
What a loser to think that I can’t overcome
After all… the girl, the girl from the story inside of the book did.
She did and as she ran-
She ran all the way to a dead end
A wall of silence.
She pledged to herself she would never talk about it or what she had been through…
But I guess she overcame because I’m telling you.…
incomplete
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
A book about a story
A story about a woman who didn’t deem herself much as one
Who would rather be by herself than accompanied by one
A person like her
She really wasn’t open minded
And I actually find it
Weird that I even read that
And shared this
But it was an experience that made me miss
The old me.
See the new me closely identifies with this girl
This girl from the story
The story of my life
Written, documented, text.
Hard-facts
No going back
The attention is gained
But the fact still remains that I lost her
And never knew how it would affect me until I saw what it cost her.
Throughout the whole story she was running away
Running away from pain.
Abuse. even love & affection
Running away from life…
Running away from herself& as she ran she went places that I go
Or have went
Settled down on a park bench-
Wrong move…
It took my mind there
When it wasn’t anyone there
But… us…
Us and a car that was developing rust-
Over the back wheel
The car had been in an accident
An accident indeed
As it was an accident to be parked there now
Under the covering of trees…
Alone
Evil crept out and hung on me like a warm blanket…
Everyone likes to be held…
I cried though
And as she began to go through things, same things that I had…
I cried more-
Quickly trying to turn the pages in the story, the story in the book…
The story of my life-
Can’t wait…
For a brand new chapter…
So many chapters its sooo hard to maintain, organize, put chapters to names-
I’m ashamed…
Of my past and how my past dictates my future…
Afraid to admit that I am running
Still running
From u.
From me..
From u –
the person who still has that hold on me, the warm blanket of evil…
Kept me quiet, muffled my cries and moans and groans
Made me comfortable in my weakness… covered all emotions
What a loser.
What a loser to think that I can’t overcome
After all… the girl, the girl from the story inside of the book did.
She did and as she ran-
She ran all the way to a dead end
A wall of silence.
She pledged to herself she would never talk about it or what she had been through…
But I guess she overcame because I’m telling you.…
incomplete
© T. S. Thorpe 2008
wow
It was to u
An earthquake of mass emotions
Hurrying up and engulfing
Me
And all that surrounded me, feeding me and feeding off of
And nowI’m free
Where I thought I belonged
Instead I faced the feelings of an unwanted child at its own home
So afraid of what people assume of me
Instead of owning up to the person I want to be
Lust escaped me and in turn u left me
Assuming my character and in some ways demeaning me
I trusted u like no other
Thinking to myself that we were like brothers and no other-
Thoughts or feelings were connected or shared between us
But slowly your true intentions crept out and strangled me
And then began my quest to be free from a romantic bondage
U held me in
Held me close
Trusted me…
Or so I thought.
But I guess it wasn’t enough
Because as soon as I began to fall
Ur uncertain nature began to call
My name
There was nothing for u to explain
Not even the shame I felt
Or the pain I felt
When u dismissed me
The same person that allowed u to kiss me…
Even when I wasn’t feeling you like that…
It hurt but I thought no going
I cant go back
Wont go back
To u…
you’re not my buddy anymore.
reflections...
I am honestly just sitting here doing personal reflections about general things, all the way up to the more complex things such as life; my life. What do I want from it? What do I want to gain? The time is now for all the games and bull to stop… it’s time for a new animal to emerge… the cheetah. The cheetah that runs the race of life with no turning back. The cheetah with the ability to blend in or stand out. It stands up (like me) for what it stands for… In my case it’s much harder to define those things… but I’m not afraid too. They say after all if you don’t stand for anything you will fall for everything… and I guess that’s true… but what happens when u stand for the wrong thing… don’t you still fail?
It’s so unfortunate how people value materialistic things over the amazing breath of life God has breathed into each of us… I don’t. I don’t value materialistic things over any other thing. But I will admit that sometimes it is hard to value God over all things… BUT I try. I can honestly say I try. And when I fail “we fall down but we get up…”
So over the years I have fallen… fallen to what I thought was the ground but the surface acted as a trampoline and bounced me back up… and the harder I fell down, the higher I came back up… so for people who slay me I WILL TRUST HIM… ;) it feels good to know that there is hope for me and my future…
I guess we will talk about that next time…
Torey Shanay
It’s so unfortunate how people value materialistic things over the amazing breath of life God has breathed into each of us… I don’t. I don’t value materialistic things over any other thing. But I will admit that sometimes it is hard to value God over all things… BUT I try. I can honestly say I try. And when I fail “we fall down but we get up…”
So over the years I have fallen… fallen to what I thought was the ground but the surface acted as a trampoline and bounced me back up… and the harder I fell down, the higher I came back up… so for people who slay me I WILL TRUST HIM… ;) it feels good to know that there is hope for me and my future…
I guess we will talk about that next time…
Torey Shanay
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